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Joke of the Day

"The only thing better than an orgasm is being interrupted by stupid bullshit while you're masturbating. I hate stopping at toll booths!"

"Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in? Customer: No. Barber: Oh dear! Then I must have cut your throat."

"Why does Edward Woodward have so many Ds in his name? Because if he didn't, he'd be called Ewar Woowar."

"Not to brag, but a news anchor started following me today. She recognizes a disaster when she sees one."

"I've given up sexual innuendo for Lent... so far it's been pretty hard."

"[shipwreck diary] Day 44: Some of the survivors have resorted to drinking their own piss. Nobody wants to drink mine cos it's 'too chunky'."

"Why can elephants swim - and aardvarks can't? Aardvarks don't have trunks!"

"What dose a old lady got between her tits? Her belly button."

"brace yourselves, the orthodontist just died"

"Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea. Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned"