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Joke of the Day

"Last night my wife got pissed because I kicked the ice cubes I dropped under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge."

"What's the best thing about a swimming pool bar? There's never a line for the bathroom."

"*tosses banana peel out the window during a police chase*"

"Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb? A: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order."

"How do meth users get the money to buy their drugs? The toothfairy."

"Well - It's not the first time Donald has left a Bush disappointed..."

"When is a door not a door? When it's AJAR!"

"sometimes I fill up my bathtub with spaghetti sauce and sit in it and pretend I'm a meatball"

"""I'll teach you the gropes."" -perverted mentor"

"Wife: [looking at bank statement] what's this huge charge from Clones R Us? Me: [sends group text to 7 other me's] she's on to us"