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Joke of the Day

"Wife: [looking at bank statement] what's this huge charge from Clones R Us? Me: [sends group text to 7 other me's] she's on to us"

"Q) What do you call a fat person that eats because they're angry, and is then angry because they eat? A) a viscous circle."

"The Republicans haven't got a single candidate who could survive a Willie Wonka factory tour."

"I could die But I'm afraid of the reapercussions"

"Oh you graduated from DeVry too?! Which month were you?"

"What did Lil' Jon do when Home Depot employee tried to sell him a lightbulb? Turned down 4 watt"

"Why did the boat dock with the all of the other boats? Pier Pressure"

"I just drank some honey wine I'm feeling pretty buzzed."

"What does Joaquin Phoenix say when a car almost hits him? ''Hey! I'm Joaquin here!''"

"What did Barack say to Michelle when he proposed? I don't want to be Obama self."