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Joke of the Day

"The best part about pooping with the door open in the morning is being able to see everyone's face at Starbucks."

"What is the opposite of progress? [](/colgatereally)Congress."

"Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed."

"The shame about ancient Grecian art... The shame about ancient Grecian art is that there are amazing marble sculptures and structures which too often get taken for granite."

"I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today..... That bitch was seeing somebody else."

"How do you prevent a canoe from tipping? Paint it black."

"How do you make a dead baby float? -2 scoops vanilla icecream -2 scoops baby -Add rootbeer and serve"

"Eternal damnation for the sorry acquaintance who cons you into watching his favorite film and keeps looking to see if you're reacting."

"What did the picky cow say? Mewww."

"Bernie Sanders If I had a nickel for every time a redditor posted about something Bernie Sanders, I'd be the kind of person he is always smearing. A BILLIONAIRE!"