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Joke of the Day

"Just realized that I'm technically a vegan for the hours between dinner & breakfast. No wonder I feel so fucking superior all the time"

"Why did Hitler kill the Jews? Because they're greedy dirty Jews"

"My math teacher called me average... How mean."

"Unless you've been in Target with more than 1 child, you have no idea what it's like to be a lion tamer."

"Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff? Because she was wearing mittens."

"Is your refrigerator running? Because if your fridge is moving on its own volition you have bigger fucking problems than the goddamn election"

"How do you know if somebody's Christian? Don't worry, They'll fucking tell you."

"Your momma is so dumb jokes your momma is so dumb she sits on the tv and watches the couch"

"I know it's a tetherball pole in a public park. But, where else can I practice my sweet, sexy dance moves on a Sunday morning?"

"What's worse than one dead baby nailed to ten trees? One live baby nailed to ten trees."