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Joke of the Day

"Why did Mexico reduce the number of days an American tourist can stay in their country from 180 days to 90 days ? Because after 90 days in Mexico, even they try to enter the US illegally."

"Ten years ago I gave up alcohol and women... it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. -George Best"

"Gone are the days when I could just jump in the pool fully clothed without thinking twice. Thanks a lot, Steve Jobs."

"Just saw a car with ""Just Married"" on the back window. Do people still do that? Get married, I mean.."

"H: I don't understand what goes on in your head. Me: If you prefer, I can quit twitter and just tell you all of this. H: No, we're good."

"It concerns me as a parent that damn near every Disney movie shows kids if your parents die you'll become royalty and have a great life."

"6yo: MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU 8yo: AND ALSO WITH YOU When their Star Wars obsession mixes with that time Nana took them to Catholic mass."

"I called in to work and asked my boss what the difference between work and his daughter was. I'm not coming into work this morning."

"Shoutout to that one time I confused narcolepsy and necrophilia during a job interview."

"Alzheimer's cop: do you know why I pulled you over?"