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Joke of the Day

"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes... That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away AND have his shoes!"

"What did the two lesbian vampires say to each other? Same time next month?"

"I'm not stupid"

"Him: 'Sorry Mr Hill, no last minute call from the Governor. Any last words?' Me: -whimpering 'She squeezed the toothpaste from the middle'"

"DiCaprio movie endings; Shutter Island: is he dead? Titanic: is the boat dead? Romeo & Juliet: is everyone dead? Inception: am I dead?"

"I like my coffee the way I like my slaves... Free."

"A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.... It's a Shitzu"

"Did you hear about the new rating scale for how colorblind someone is? Its called the greyscale"

"You want just one cow for those magic beans? Idk, I'm suspicious, magic beans sounds like the sort of thing that would cost 2 cows."

"New to reddit My friend David forgot his I.D so now we just call him dav"