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Joke of the Day

"I remember back in the day when you had to roll up a tiny scroll and give it to a falcon to tweet"

"What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets? A woman EDIT: Grammar"

"Utensils Guy 1: ""Hey, did you hear that Joe got knifed the other day?"" Guy 2: ""That's forked up!"" Guy 1: *glares at Guy 2* Guy 2: ""What? Too spoon?*"

"What do we want? Racing car noises! When do we want them? Neeeeeeeeooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

"What's the difference between a slice of toast and the French? You can make soldiers out of a slice of toast."

"A cat eats a slice of swiss cheese... and sits by the mousetrap with baited breath."

"I don't believe in ghosts. They're always lying to me."

"ME: ""Hey, the 1980s called and they want their pants back"" STRANGER WHO IS SECRETLY A TIME COP: ""They called?! That's a level 3 violation!"""

"An argument with my wife is like the gas pedal on a Prius. I can put my foot down, but I don't really expect much to happen..."

"Dinosaur joke What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalottapuss"