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Joke of the Day

"Twitter has lost 90% of my tweets. Great! Now I've got nothing to show for the last two years. Nothing."

"You can't force someone to love you. All you can do is hire a panda suit and wait outside their window reading sonnets."

"""Why is that cotton candy talking?"" ""Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj"""

"I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed but when they cry the tears run down their back!"

"Who wants two tickets to the gun show? I bought the Groupon but can't make it :("

"Have you heard the joke that they don't tell assholes? Oh, no? Nevermind then."

"What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish! (works better when you're drunk)"

"Never trust an atom they make up everything"

"It's a boy! ""It's a boy"", Jimbo shouted, ""It's a BOY!"" With tears rolling down his eyes, Jimbo came running out of the room. And never returned to Bangkok again."

"Do you want to have a home? You need a ho and you need me"