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Joke of the Day

"You can't force someone to love you. All you can do is hire a panda suit and wait outside their window reading sonnets."

"What's a golf club's favorite type of music? Swing!"

"Funny talks make smile always. A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often."

"[movie theater] Her: *Hands me popcorn bag* Can you put this down? Me: *grabs bag* You stupid, overpriced, salty piece of shit!"

"My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars. Now she'll have to talk to me."

"A vaping hipster aetheist vegan crossfitter walks into a bar just kidding people like that dont exist but I imagine they do so I have someone to hate other than myself haha."

"Why is it hard to break up with a Japenese girl? ...you have to drop the bomb twice in order for her to get it."

"You know what's funny about Asians? You don't know whether they're awake or asleep. ( )"

"I couldn't figure out how my seatbelt worked. But then it clicked."

"What do you call a gay Nobel Prize Laureate in a blender? A homogeneous mixture."