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Joke of the Day

"[At dentist] Dentist: Any plans for the weekend? Nnooiddtrrreeeskllyggfff Dentist: I'm not doing anything either."

"What will be on the Denny's Menu when ISIS takes over? The Grand I-slam"

"Never trust a depressed elevator. It'll only bring you down."

"What's the Welsh word for shearing a sheep? Foreplay"

"Why were Helen Keller's hands purple... ... because she heard it through the grape vine."

"What do you call a high definition piss? 1080 Pee -- My roommate"

"How does Hitler organize his juice? By concentration"

"What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA."

"My laptop has a Miley Virus. It's stopped twerking."

"Neil Armstrong: now where did I park my car? [presses key button] [tiny orange light flashes on the moon] god dammit"