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Joke of the Day

"What's the Welsh word for shearing a sheep? Foreplay"

"DATE: This place is so fancy ME: Ever have a guy splurge on you before? DATE: Well, only when we didn't have a condom"

"What kind of overalls does Mario wear? Denim denim denim."

"Why'd the short man take the elevator up? He was feeling down"

"You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water? In Flint, the waiter asks you, ""Regular or Unleaded?"""

"My wife came home to me cheating on her. I don't know which surprised her more; the fact that I was fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her."

"How do you kill 10 flies at once? Slap an African child in the face."

"Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem... The other 96% said ""que dijo?"""

"What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common? They both want to get there before the hair"

"ME: *smashes bottle into a ship* MAN: Oh cool, what are you naming it? ME: I'm not *smashes another bottle* I just hate ships"