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Joke of the Day

"Dad: Your grandpa used to cut the grass before he died, but now he's- Son: Dad please don't... Dad: Lawn gone."

"kids r so cute!!! they dont wanna sleep becuase theyre afraid of having nightmares whereas adults cant wait to sleep so they can escape them"

"Getting a hard-on is the only way I can get my wife to leave me alone."

"Spain's king, Juan Carlos, has stepped down from the throne to make way for his son, who is more popular. Which, by the way, would be the worst ""Game of Thrones"" episode ever."

"Knock Knock *Who's there *The Kgb *The kgb who? *(Slaps person) we will ask the questions."

"I'd like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I'll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don't (you know why)"

"What do you call a spider with no legs? A raisin"

"*reads menu for reasonable amount of time ""I'll take the food."""

"Sex is like candy... You can't give it to little girls without people thinking you're a pedophile"

"When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid"