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Joke of the Day
"What is the best thing about having sex with twenty nine years olds? There are twenty of them."
Next Joke
"Which character in Game of Thrones do I envy the most? Some bloke named Winter. Managed to go 4 years without cumming."
"[being chased round my house by a murderer] ME: PLEASE STOP THIS IS SENSELESS MURDERER: What? ME: [puts Fitbit on] Ok carry on"
"Hey people that sit on planes not reading, listening to or watching anything: you look like serial killers."
"Boss: You're late! On Friday, I made it clear that anyone arriving late would be fired Me: Well I didn't know! I ducked out early on Friday"
"My dad told me they once had to cancel a football season because John Madden ate all of the footballs."
"Chantelle has 756 friends on Facebook. She adds 122, what does she have? Huge tits."
"Hey girl, are you an overdue library book? Cuz I'm gonna stuff you in the back of my car then forget about you"
"I could never be on a reality show because I wouldn't want my mom to see the faces I make when I talk to her on the phone."
"How's it hanging? directly below the point of suspension"