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Joke of the Day

"Which character in Game of Thrones do I envy the most? Some bloke named Winter. Managed to go 4 years without cumming."

"Zelda Williams came over my house and stormed out in a rage... All I did was ask her ""How's it hangin?"""

"What did the banker get for Christmas? My 401k"

"Why not just say you're feeling thargic, don't be all French about it"

"*playing Mortal Kombat* Her: Can I try? Me: Sure. Her: Which one of them shoots that Handookie thingie? Me: Hadouken? Her: Yea. Me: Leave."

"OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew."

"Me: Just a glass of water Scientist waiter: You mean a glass of... yourself? You see, the body is made up of ok ok sit down I'll bring it"

"Necessity is the mother of invention, and the wife of bill. Bill is the only one in the family with a normal name."

"Thought I saw God in my rear-view mirror yesterday... Turns out it was just a dog."

"How do you get a hippy chick pregnant? Cum on her birkenstocks and let the flies do the rest"