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Joke of the Day

"Hey girl, are you an overdue library book? Cuz I'm gonna stuff you in the back of my car then forget about you"

"I was gonna do a tweet about Albert Einstein's IQ but I couldn't get it under 140."

"My 6-year-old walked into the room and said, ""Don't worry, Dad. I'm OK."" Time to search the house for whatever she destroyed."

"Two kittens are on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew."

"How did the mobster burn his lips on a tailpipe? He tried to blow up a police car."

"I am a big fan of Canadian bacon... ...but I have yet to find out how they turn Americans into cheese."

"50 of the most offensive jokes I know 49 of them is your mom"

"I'm 87 but have the body of a 25-year-old supermodel But it takes up too much room in my freezer, any suggestions?"

"What did the Mexican detective say in England? I'm like Sherlock, holmes."

"Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college I don't think I can ever pay you back."