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Joke of the Day

"Boss: You're late! On Friday, I made it clear that anyone arriving late would be fired Me: Well I didn't know! I ducked out early on Friday"

"what kind of nut does Spock hate the most? pekhan"

"There are two types of people. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"Did you hear about the Italian Chef with terminal cancer? He pastaway."

"Although not as effective as finger quotes, finger commas and finger periods are way fun."

"I'm really confused by the fact people judge me for refusing to pay for Netflix... I mean, I've seen Stranger Things."

"The couple in the room next door are having sex again. It's horrible. The chick's moaning sounds like a wounded walrus."

"I'm celebrating international women's day by not having my wife make me a sandwich today. I'm going to Subway and having Rachel make it instead."

"My boss asked if I had any special skills so I put my hand under my armpit to make fart sounds. We laughed and now I'm clearing out my desk"

"*smoke detector chirps* me*takes battery out* *chirp* me*cuts wires* *chirp* me*smashes it with a hammer* *chirp* wife:We have more than one"