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Joke of the Day

"Why did God create stock analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good."

"I once asked my girlfriend if she was a newspaper. Because there's a new issue with her every fucking day."

"My friend just got a pool table for Christmas so he gave me a call inviting me around for a pool tournament with the boys. I said thanks for the invite but I prefer to pool by myself."

"Kanye West named his kid North. Drake Bell says he'll name his first kid Taco. I think Jessica Biel should name her kid Batmo."

"A man once asked Gandhi what he thought of western civilization. Ghandi replied ''I think it would be a good idea.''"

"People are like books. You can't judge them by the outside and it's not cool to burn a big pile of them."

"Don't assume Wal-Mart sells walls. Unless you want an argument about existential reality with an 85-year-old greeter."

"I don't need a panic room; I can panic perfectly fine anywhere."

"Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher? Because he was Haydn."

"Why did the stoplight turn red? Well, wouldn't you turn red if you were caught changing in the middle of the street?"