54447

Joke of the Day

"8:00am on a Saturday morning and my neighbor was mowing his lawn. Now he looks really funny covered in paint balls"

"If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why doesn't lightning only strike in France?"

"Judging by the way some women wear makeup it's rather obvious they didn't excel at coloring as a kid."

"My secretary came into my office today and asked if she could use my dictaphone I said no, use your finger like everybody else."

"Adrian Peterson regrets leaving marks on his son after the spanking... ... and that's the bottom line."

"Where do shoes receive their military training? Boot Camp"

"You don't really know what's pain in the ass until.. ...you've had a hemorrhoid."

"I just started a new band called 'Blankets and Duvets' We've already been called the best cover band of all time"

"Me on the toilet: HEY I NEED SOME TOILET PAPER 6: *running around dressed like a mummy* we're all out"

"Einstein said ""If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself."" Which I guess makes me an expert in secretive anal sex."