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Joke of the Day

"What did the left pussy lip say to the right pussy lip? ""We used to be really tight until you let that dick come between us."""

"The bad news is we need to downsize on people named Jeremy, so you're fired. WHAT WAS THE GOOD NEWS? India's tiger population is up 30%!"

"Why are setups to jokes so important? because seven ate nine."

"my daughter has been thrusting her stuffed animals in my face for me to kiss, but I'm being very selective so she learns to have standards"

"Buzzfeed: 9 Ways to Know You're Dating a Real Woman and Not a Burrito"

"Somebody told me I'm horrible with names."

"The British are coming! Get ready! Oh wait they're coming by boat. We have like three months"

"Dentist to parsimonious patient ""No we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs. Borde!"""

"Just ate McDonalds after working out, which is the same as taking a shit after a shower."

"""You're more likely to be killed in a car wreck than eaten by a shark."" The shark made a convincing argument, so I got out of the cage."