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Joke of the Day

"my daughter has been thrusting her stuffed animals in my face for me to kiss, but I'm being very selective so she learns to have standards"

"Dad: ""A little bird told me you are doing drugs"" Son: ""You're talking to birds, and I'm the one doing drugs?"""

"My work signed me up for a 401k But I've never even run a marathon"

"Do you know how many feminists it takes to change a light bulb? One, you asshole."

"I went to a zoo the other day and all they had there was a dog in a cage... it was a shih tzu"

"What did Hitler say when the Allies landed on Normandy? Dang, I did Nazi that coming."

"*Walking with wife listening to Dust In The Wind* Me: This is our song. *A dude walks by listening to it* Me: That's OUR song! GIVE IT BACK!"

"What do you get when you mix Hitler with a dolphin? Adolfphin"

"What is the difference between Sarah Palin's hoo-ha and her mouth? Only half the stuff that comes out of her hoo-ha is retarded."

"Why don't Hollywood talent agents drink chocolate milk? Because it's not about who you know, but no Yoo-hoo."