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Joke of the Day

"Nothing kills a good party buzz like the paramedics showing up and acting like drama queens."

"Cheap prostitutes are like coffee If you put your dick in them it's gonna burn"

"Why was the belt locked up? Because it held a pair of pants."

"Her: YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT! Me: Well... at least I'm not all of the shit"

"Sometimes I look out over the new construction in my city, old ground being dug up to make room for the new, and I think to myself: I really should have buried the bodies somewhere else."

"What happens to a legend's career when he loses his leg? It ends."

"I'll call it a ""smart phone"" the day I yell, ""Where's my freaking phone?!"" and it answers, ""I'm here! Under your jacket!"""

"Why doesn't Hermione keep her money at Gringotts? Offshore investment gains a better return."

"Before. b-e-f-o-r-e, not B4. We speak English, Not bingo..."

"My erection lasted for more than 4 hours. I called my doctor, but he didn't seem too impressed, so I showed it to some people at the mall."