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Joke of the Day

"I'll call it a ""smart phone"" the day I yell, ""Where's my freaking phone?!"" and it answers, ""I'm here! Under your jacket!"""

"BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision Fuck, how fast must they have been walking?"

"Interviewer: Why should we hire you? Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison."

"How do you weigh a Hipster? In instagrams"

"prophets this guy is making mines cleverly disguised as prayer mats. he says his prophets are going through the roof!"

"Lunchtime at McDonald's A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'."

"Did you hear about the housing prices in Baltimore? I hear they're a riot!"

"Q:What's the fastest way to end an Iraqi bingo game? A:Call B52"

"Mike's dad has three sons.. Snap Crackle and...? Mike"

"What did the swollen prostate say during the prostatectomy? I'm out, urine."