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Joke of the Day
"Who hired those 10 Americans to go to Brazil and pretend like they like soccer?"
Next Joke
"If Usain Bolt ever becomes a zombie we are all screwed."
"Knock knock... A: Knock, knock! B: Who's there? A: The Interrupting Cow. B: The Interrupt-- A: MOOOOOOOO!!"
"ME: bartender. another. BARTENDER: but you just- ME: *slams fist on bar* ANOTHER [bartender reluctantly hands me another moist towelette]"
"Why do Ethiopians have fly swatters? To hunt for their food."
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Just think, there are people out there who don't get to read my tweets."
"""Vini Vidi Venti"" --I came, I saw, I ordered the large coffee at Starbucks."
"Reddit went down for me... that was the most boring poop ever"
"Pantibros before pantihose?"
"[First date] Ok, don't let her know you're a pharmacist Her: Can you pass the salt? ""Sure, it'll be ready in two hours."""