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Joke of the Day

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Just think, there are people out there who don't get to read my tweets."

"I'm rich! But not in money, just in read receipts from my ex-boyfriend who never replies!"

"[bank] I'd like to pay this into my account [empties pockets full of cat teeth] OMG I'm so sorry [takes card back] that's the wrong account"

"Why did Sally fall of the swing set? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally."

"A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills."

"When does a lawyer make coffee? When he has sufficient grounds"

"How does a Welshman find a sheep in a field of tall grass? Pleasing."

"Easter used to be called Wester But they decided to take things in a new direction."

"I have such bad luck getting a girl to come over... I watched the video from ""The Ring"" and the creepy chick called seven days later and said something came up and she couldn't make it."

"Husband to daughter's boyfriend... ...""Glad to finally meet you. I've noticed you in our food budget for some time now."""