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Joke of the Day

"[First date] Ok, don't let her know you're a pharmacist Her: Can you pass the salt? ""Sure, it'll be ready in two hours."""

Next Joke
 
"Women's rights."
"All my friends clubbed together and got me a sweater I would've preferred a moaner or a screamer, but you can't have it all"
"Why did the baker have brown hands? He kneaded a poo."
"If you walk up to me with a plate of food and say ""Matt?"" My name will always be Matt."
"What do you call someone who can masturbate with either hand? Ambidickstrous"
"5th grade teacher: ""You have more wrong answers than your whole class combined. I have never seen one person make so many mistakes."" Student: ""Well... not *one* person. My dad helped me too."""
"Epilepsy joke What is blue and does not fit? A dead epileptic."
"In a serious water shortage /r/showerthoughts should be shut down."
"Why did the termite eat a sofa and two chairs? It had a suite tooth."