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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the psychic midget that escaped from jail? The headline read: ""Small Medium at Large."""

"Why would Ellen Pao not do her own AMA? General Pao's chicken."

"Why can't you have military coup in Russia? Because in Russia the military coups you."

"Penguins can't fly. Sometimes I get bummed out thinking about that. But then I remember I don't have to clean penguin shit off my car."

"I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites."

"Fred: I'm sure I'm right. Betty: You're as right as rain - all wet!"

"*Makes pinatas that look like people's exes *Retires a billionaire"

"Hey, NSA, if you're going to read them, would it kill you to star them?"

"This may be the wine talking but help he's drinking me, he's drinking me."

"What do Harry Potter and Kermit The Frog's penis have in common? Hogwarts"