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Joke of the Day
"Why was the blonde girl sitting on the roof? Someone told her drinks were on the house."
Next Joke
"What do you call five tomatoes? A tom-a-FOOT! In Europe, they call it a tom-a-METER."
"""Gotta wake up early"" *sets alarm for 5am* *wakes up at 4:55am to cancel alarm* *goes back to sleep*"
"How many disappointments can you fit into a van? I don't know, I can't get them outside of the house."
"WHAT DO WE WANT!? CLEARED TIMES ON OUR MICROWAVES! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? 0:00!"
"knock knock."
"Clickbaits seem so obvious... Just like this one."
"Did you hear Monica Lewinsky became a republican? The democrats just left a bad taste in her mouth"
"ACCOUNTANT: *taking a look at my books* These are just winky-face emojis. ME: Yep. ACCOUNTANT: I think I know why your business is failing."
"How do you tell if the stage is level? The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth."