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Joke of the Day

"Transvestite joke What's the best part of sex with a transvestite? Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through."

"I can usually tell how productive I've been at work, by the battery life of my phone."

"SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: What would you like- ME: I'D LIKE TO CREATE A SHOW ABOUT DOGS COOKING PIZZAS SE: -on your sub? ME: PUPPERONI"

"I'm picking up some really good vibes from this guy... ...because he's not coming with me tonight. :("

"Why was the young boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face"

"A dog peed on my bike today. Of course I did not put up with that. I peed all over it immediately."

"Girls go to the bathroom together because that's where we rap battle"

"me: I'm tired Medieval Physician: Ok I'm gonna cut you open to drain your blood me: Maybe I could rest MP: haha no I'm cutting your veins"

"Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Talked to someone today about remaining human when society crumbles. Was told to ""please pull up to the window."""

"It's especially on Fridays at 5 pm when I wish I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car."