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Joke of the Day

"A dog peed on my bike today. Of course I did not put up with that. I peed all over it immediately."

"Harry, it's your baby Said Professor Umbridge"

"I drank half a bottle of NyQuil and tried to call Audrey Hepburn on my microwave"

"5 years from now it'll be 2020... I can see it now... That's a perfect vision joke."

"That went swimmingly And I can't swim."

"I just read that a veteran policeman has been suspended from his job... after being caught masturbating and smoking weed in his office. No name was given but he was a high wanking officer."

"What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off ? Ban-she ban-she !"

"I used to work at a knife factory but then it got dull."

"When I was a kid I made friends with the wrong people. ""those aren't people, those are stray dogs"" my mom would say as she dressed my wounds"

"YOU CAN'T BUY HOT POCKETS YOU CAN ONLY BUY COLD POCKETS YOU ARE EXPECTED SUPPLY THE HEAT YOURSELF DONT BELIEVE THE LIES."