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Joke of the Day

"It's especially on Fridays at 5 pm when I wish I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car."

"what do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator"

"Me: I've lost my kitten Cop: How would you best describe him? Me: He looks like a miniature cat"

"I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (Oooooo)/ I am four eels/ Never meant to make your daughter cry/ I am several fish and not a guy"

"If you get a gift from me, there may or may not be a pair of scissors between the wrapping and the gift. I'm gonna need those back."

"Woody Allen's version of his life will be his most brilliant fiction."

"Boss: Where's the progress report I asked u for Me: I haven't made any progress that's my report What I imagine it'd be like if I had a job"

"Ask a man if he's critiquing your work... Men Who Are Dating say: No, & compliment you. Single Men say: Yes Married Men: Try to hide"

"Leviticus 20:13 legalises gay marriage and marijuana: ""If a man lays with another man he should be stoned""."

"if ur in a bad mood & somone says ""have a good day"" the best response is to yell ""HEY EVRYONE THIS DUDES HANDING OUT GOOD DAYS COME GET ONE"""