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Joke of the Day

"*catches son swearing through sign language* ""We don't use that language in this house"" *hands him hand sanitizer* ""You know what to do"""

"What's the cruelest curse to wish upon a single guy? ""I wish his hands were made of stone."""

"There are two guys named Ted One is near-Ted, the other is..."

"If you workout and don't post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?"

"I hear Donald Trump wants every welfare recipient to take a drug test... I don't even what to know what he's planning to do with all those urine samples."

"What do you do when a blonde girl throws a grenade at you You pull the pin and throw it back"

"What is it about half men - half horses? They always have to be centaur of attention."

"""No one cares about the jews"" ""Yeah, they do"" ""No they don't. During the holocaust i killed 3 jews and one clown"" ""Why one clown?"" ""See? No one cares about the jews"""

"Guys whose fathers left when they were young always complain about how they never had someone to ""teach them how to shave"" but it's easy... You start at the ankle and work your way up!"

"I lost my grandmother last weekend. Seriously, I lost her. If you have seen her around please let me know."