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Joke of the Day

"Went to a restaurant last night and the waitress had a black eye. I ordered slow and made sure to speak clearly. Because she obviously doesn't listen."

"Difference Between Good Girls And Bad Girls Good Girls Open Few Buttons In Hot Atmosphere, But Bad Girls Open All Buttons To Make The Atmosphere Hot."

"*stealthily lowers myself from the ceiling into co-worker's office *sprays breath freshener into his mouth before the meeting *retracts"

"Something so sad. A can of Coke getting crushed. It is soda pressing."

"Him: Watch your language at dinner tonight. Me: So you want less Tarantino... H: ...and more Seuss. M: Gotcha. No swearing. Lots of rhyming."

"A good metaphor for today's youth is the book Peter Pan... Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat."

"Why are Republicans so insistent on a war in the Middle East? Because its good Christian values to invade the Middle East."

"I run a suicide hotline. A guy called me once, told me I had 60 seconds to convince him not to jump off his balcony on the 41st floor. He must've confused me with the *anti*-suicide hotline."

"Sometimes I'm tempted to run into a Gym and tell men which machine they should be using to impress women. It's called an ATM."

"What's a rednecks favorite part of archaology? Relative dating"