98709

Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I'm tempted to run into a Gym and tell men which machine they should be using to impress women. It's called an ATM."

"One lab mouse to another: I've trained that crazy human at last. How have you done that? I don't know how but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell he gives me a piece of cheese."

"What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? One WALKS on the MOON, and the other fucks little children."

"small joke truth or dare dare order us pizza"

"Ladies, holding out on sex with your man to get what you want will not work. He will just take longer showers."

"Any room can be a panic room if she tells you ""we need to talk"""

"I'm still a bit shaken up. I was involved in a violent mugging this morning. On the plus side I did make $43 and I think the watch looks really good on me."

"PMS: I'm sorry. ME: Why? It's a good day. PMS: Wait for it. ME: [2 secs later] DID MY PARENTS REALLY TAKE MY DOG TO A FARM WHEN I WAS 5?!"

"Don't worry if you found yourself alone on Valentines Day...its not the end of the World...that's still 10 months away."

"""Are you coming over?"" ""Yes, I'm coming over."" ""We should probably stop talking using the radios, over."""