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Joke of the Day

"A good metaphor for today's youth is the book Peter Pan... Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat."

"I hit the gym today... But I drove away because I don't have car insurance."

"What is Hilary Clintons favorite part about going to the beach? Her Flip-Flops."

"One day at a Stripper Club Stripper: ""The more you tip, the more I'll reveal!"" (*tips more money*) Stripper: ""Bush did 9/11!"""

"So, what if Mohammed does a self portrait?"

"The bartender says:""We don't serve your kind in here."" A tachyon walks into a bar."

"Only sometimes do I use semicolons in my writing; I don't want to sound like a *complete* asshole. edit: grammar. Thanks, /u/jwfiredragon"

"Cat: Lame. Just lame. Me: Shut up. Not everyone goes out Friday nights u know. Cat: Leave extra food out. Im bringing a girl home. Me: ...ok"

"I have a new low score on the Wells Fargo game I downloaded on my iPhone."

"Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater."