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Joke of the Day

"Funny one liners - 2016 Tell me short funny one liners. Just humor, nothing else."

"Q: What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common? A: They were both cooked by a guy named ""Dave""."

"I haven't been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn't lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I've told to cops."

"I bet Patrick Swayze's ""Ghost"" ghost & Bruce Willis's ""6th Sense"" ghost make beautiful pottery together in movie heaven."

"What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck sucked his blood and said ""Who's a pretty boy then?"""

"What starts with F and ends with UCK FIRETRUCK!1!1!1!!!1!1!!!!1!1!1!!!!1!1!1!!"

"I wish I had a job where I could just punch stupid motherfuckers in the face all day."

"Outkast: Ok now ladies! Me: Yeah??! OK: I wanna see y'all on your baddest behavior! Me: *slowly incurs $18.37 in overdue library fees*"

"Why is it impossible to argue with Trump? Because the Earth's rotation automatically makes a circle jerk out of him"

"When I m on a date... When I m on a date, I like to tell the girl that ""I m aviable for a limited time only"" In hopes that her shopping instincts will kick in."