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Joke of the Day

"Outkast: Ok now ladies! Me: Yeah??! OK: I wanna see y'all on your baddest behavior! Me: *slowly incurs $18.37 in overdue library fees*"

"What time do you go to the dentist? Tooth hurty."

"How did they keep the pilot out of the cockpit? With an Allahu Lockbar."

"Why did Victoria get fired? I don't know"

"Mariah Carey seems like the type to sing all she wants for Christmas is you, but when you don't get her anything she throws a huge hissy fit"

"My friend told me a joke about a TV controller. It wasn't remotely funny."

"Church is the worst book club ever. We've been talking about the same book for 2,000 years and most of us still haven't even read it"

"What's the rudest type of Elf? The GofuckyoursELF "

"I hope I never have more than one kid because the urge to superglue two children together is a crippling desire I struggle against everyday."

"Did you hear about the newly announced cure for Parkinson's Disease? It's in a bottle with instructions to ""shake well"""