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Joke of the Day

"""How's your love life?"" Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. ""I'm sorry man"" it's ok. still got laid."

"Jokes religious people find offensive Why did chicken cross the road? He had cancer on his balls. P.S. He was actually Allah and not chicken"

"Whats an iPhone 7's favorite brand of frozen pizza? Not Jack's."

"I'm going for LASIK surgery tomorrow Really looking forward to it."

"A good sign that you're not ready for children is if you cut your food with a credit card."

"who called it an infinity scarf instead of a scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

"Say what you like about pedophiles Atleast they drive slow in school zones. credit to /u/c4rdi4c4rrest"

"My friend said he was really down because of his car troubles... I told him i didn't wan't to hear his saab story."

"Dating tip: surprise your date by being a giraffe"

"Nuts nsfw What's nuts on the wall? Walnut What's nuts on a chest? Chestnut What's nuts on your chin? MY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH"