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Joke of the Day

"When I got depressed, I joined the Army. I didn't have any experience or motivation, I just wanted a soldier to cry on."

"""Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."" - Me to my children."

"""How much for this melted ghost?"" Sir that's a bed sheet ""You have a lot of them! And they're packaged? IS THIS GHOST HELL"" This is a Macys"

"Yo mama's so loose and hairy... It looks like Bob Ross screaming at the top of his lungs."

"Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes."

"I like to remind my kids who's boss by putting a cherry tomato on top of their ice cream sundaes every once in a while."

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile!"

"What kind of noise annoys an oyster ? A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)"

"People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V ""Tuesday"""