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Joke of the Day

"Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes."

"How do you disappoint a redditor? [removed]"

"Due to the rapid response of and crackdown by the NYPD over the phrase, ""Put wings on"

"After failing my first 2 exams, I just got an A on my third Anatomy exam... the answers were inside me the entire time"

"I was being recruited for suicide bombing... I asked the recruiter, ""what are the perks of being a suicide bomber?"" And he replied, ""well, for starters, you get to go all over the place!"""

"If I had a dollar every time my phone's battery dies, I"

"Pretty cool how the universe lets me know I'll be bumping into my ex by making me spill coffee on my shirt."

"[begin metajoke] What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender? No have to cut me off. Fall off barstool by myself. [end metajoke]"

"I have a fear of speed bumps But I am slowly getting over it"

"What's the definition of a Russian elevator? A Chechen presses a button and five floors come down."