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Joke of the Day

"I like when you see a guy with a beard and you can immediately tell he's fashioned his entire thing/vibe/life around having that beard."

""" I gotta see this guys best tweet, I'll gift him Favstar Pro"". Said no one ever."

"Did you hear about the new emo website? Check it out it's www.emo.com/wrists"

"Me: Leonard Nimoy died today. Co-worker: From Star Wars? *goes home* Wife: How was your day? Me: Leonard Nimoy and a co-worker died today."

"Why did the police beat the black man after he was executed in the electric chair? He was resisting."

"forever alone Having alcohol by yourself at home is considered a problem, but social drinking is acceptable. So now, whenever I open a crate of White Lightning, I always log on to Facebook."

"Have you heard about the muslim sex dolls? They blow themselves up."

"A truly historic day. Thousands of women at a mall.. and no shoe sale."

"I want my ashes scattered when I die. I don't like people visiting me now.... I'll be damned if I want visitors when I'm dead."

"My girlfriend was dropping all these hints about tying the knot or taking the plunge... so I tied a rock around her ankle and pushed her off the pier. She hasn't called since..."