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Joke of the Day

"Me: Leonard Nimoy died today. Co-worker: From Star Wars? *goes home* Wife: How was your day? Me: Leonard Nimoy and a co-worker died today."

"*emailing professor after exams* it hAs been An Awesome And greAt yeAr thAnks for the AmAzing clAss you hAve tAught me A lot"

"Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do? Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter."

"What's the worst prank you can play on a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet"

"If Arnold does star in the new Predator movie.. He would probably be sent back in time with his Expendables team to kill the Predator who was the actual John Connor."

"Superpower: giving evildoers the hiccups, then on day 23, you throw them off a building but by that point they're just sobbing ""thank you"""

"You know your a redneck when...... _______________ (Fill in the blank)"

"If bars can say no to drunk people why won't McDonalds say no to fat people?"

"It isn't a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way."

"Abra abracadabra. I wanna reach out and stab ya."