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Joke of the Day

"Guess what came in the mail today I did, I ran out of tissue."

"Bought $200 sunglasses. Lost them in 15 minutes. Bought Walmart sunglasses. Had them for 238 years."

"How does a women make you a millionaire? You start as a billionaire"

"I've been teaching myself French so that I can seduce my wife Boner Petite, baby!"

"Once you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall"

"What's a 90's kid's favorite salad? Quinoa & Kale"

"[meeting a girl at the bar] ME (nervously cracking every knuckle): hi I'm brandon GIRL: please let go of my hands"

"What kind of shirts do philosophers wear Soccer tees"

"The man who invented autocorrect just died. His funfair will be on Monkey."

"I went to the fancy dress shop the other day but they couldn't help me complete my wizard costume You just can't get the staff."