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Joke of the Day

"[meeting a girl at the bar] ME (nervously cracking every knuckle): hi I'm brandon GIRL: please let go of my hands"

"I asked my cellmate how long he's in for. He said, ""Until I ejaculate."""

"Kylo Ren: *high pitched voice* I love you Kylo Ren. You're the best dark Jedi ever General Hux: *walks in* Stop playing with Vader's helmet"

"Going to start a band called The Subtweets. All songs will contain cryptic lyrics that incite paranoia in the crowd."

"Where am I? I don't know where I am, but there's a huge nuke in front of me, obviously supposed to be secret. I'm terrified. I ran."

"What will Gene Wilder's last will and testament will say? YOU GET NOTHING! Yeah I'm going to hell."

"There are two major differences between beer and women. When you take the top off a beer, it can't change its' mind, and it can easily be bought and replaced."

"Two Hispanic men are playing basketball. It's Juan on Juan."

"Femenist Social studies... Why did the femenist fail her social studies class? She didn't wanna learn his story...."

"It's so cold outside... I even saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!"