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Joke of the Day

"I stepped on an almond. When I looked down to see what it was I thought 'Awe damn. I busted a nut.'"

"I once knew a Vulcan who grew up in London He had a Spockney accent."

"Why did the skeleton cross the road? He had a bone to pick with his neighbour."

"No thanks, babies. If I'm going to let something inside of my body that's going to destroy my figure, it'll be cheese, bread and booze."

"Send a text to your SO exactly this in commas ""You effect me"" (read comments after you have done so 1st) SO: Don't you mean ""affect?"" You: Yeah i forgot the A-Hole. Sincerely, JM"

"Why did the smartphone go to jail... [OC] Because it was charged with battery"

"Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more? He kept trying to shave the princess."

"Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from him. Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole his car"

"Why are there whiteboards standing out in each class in school? Because they are remarkable!"

"That question from your wife for which either answer is wrong Apparently the third answer ""it's not the dress"" isn't right either."