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Joke of the Day

"Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from him. Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole his car"

"[Having a problem with my iPhone] Me: *texting myself* Test Me: *replies* I have a girlfriend"

"Top causes of divorce: 1. Finances 2. Infidelity 3. Unmet expectations 4. Growing apart 5. Tandem bikes"

"My dad's favorite joke What did one testicle say to the other? Why'd they hang us.... Slim did all the shootin."

"At this point, I think the people on ""The Walking Dead"" are trying to bore the zombies into not biting them."

"How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?"

"What did the husband tell his wife to do after he slapped her? The same thing he told her the first time!"

"What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop? Now is the winter of our discount tents"

"How many pot heads does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, we're stoned not stupid."

"So is tomorrow the day Trump & all his supporters say ""April Fools!"" & we get our country back?"