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Joke of the Day

"why didn't the american leek want to talk to the japanese leek? because it was negi"

"You really gotta hand it to short people because they usually can't reach it anyways."

"Friday night. Sitting in a bar. As the designated driver. NO, I'M NOT BITTER. I'M PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE OUT OF A SENSE OF WONDER."

"INTERVIEWER: What did you like most about your last job? ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it."

"What did the stressed-out casino worker say to their boss? I literally cannot deal."

"Eating a rock is actually good for you. It's full of minerals!"

"If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn't 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?"

"Went to see the doctor last week, he gave me 4 months to live,. So I shot him. Today the judge gave me 20 years, problem solved."

"What's a bear's preferred weapon of choice? A Grrrrrrrrrrrnade!"

"""Is this InkJet any good?"" ""Sure we've sold it to royalty"" ""Princesses?"" ""Mate, it prints ALL the letters"""