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Joke of the Day

"Friday night. Sitting in a bar. As the designated driver. NO, I'M NOT BITTER. I'M PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE OUT OF A SENSE OF WONDER."

"What do you call someone who makes a lot of money through deforestation of the Amazon? A Brazillionaire!"

"""You're in no position to be making demands."" [does a handstand] ""Company helicopter & 2 months extra vacation."" ""Fair enough."

"Pi-ku Math is fun When Mixed with some pie"

"I used to be a stoner in my home country... ...but then I started to respect women"

"Domestic violence jokes are in bad taste. They hit too close to home."

"Did you hear about the guy who tried to mend his belt with watches? It was a waste of time"

"What do you call the Dollar Tree stores in Britain? Pound Town"

"If I could go back in time & change any event that would alter the course of history: I probably wouldn't have super sized that fry order."

"I can tell everything I need to know about your business by the thickness of your bathroom toilet paper."