49909

Joke of the Day

"[to the secretary before I go in for job interview] ""when the music starts, hit this button and that will activate the fog machine"""

"A man goes to the hospital after shoving 6 toy horses in his ass... After a thorough inspection, the doctor stated his condition was stable."

"I have this thing where I like to take a crap with the door open. Unfortunately, not everyone at Starbucks feels the same way."

"[God creating the octopus] Idk, maybe make it look like the time I tried to cram the old pool noddles into a trash bag."

"Don't judge me for my race, don't judge me for my gender. Judge me because I've read all four of the Twilight books."

"What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer? One says, ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"". The other says ""Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!""."

"When does a tree want less? When it's sycamore."

"Have you heard about the new super-popular broom that came out? It's sweeping the nation"

"Any t-shirt can be an ironic t-shirt if you hate things enough"

"Have you ever been to an Istanbul nightclub? I hear they're poppin' and a good place to get wasted!"