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Joke of the Day

"What did Putin say when he was finally fed up with Boris Nemtsov? I'm putin' that guy to sleep"

"My friend tried to light a cop car on fire. He threw 99 Bananas..."

"Why did the witch have to move out of her gingerbread house? The property taxes were gastronomical."

"I've made many sacrifices to get where I am today. Most of them were children."

"I had to take my son's dirty diaper off today. I don't know why I was wearing it in the first place."

"Math and sex... sex is like math: you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope you don't multiply"

"The worst is when you wake up hung over and you didn't even drink the night before."

"I like my lovers like I like my golf score Hand drawn, messy, and totally unconvincing."

"What do you call an excited rectangle? An erectangle."

"It's getting colder and colder outside, and my wife does nothing but looks through the window. If it goes on like this any longer, I think I will have to let her in."